New Mom

My Story

April 9, 2016
ML_holyshitim

Let’s begin with: I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. And I’m pretty sure any new parent who says they do is either full of it, delusional, or high. I wing it on a daily basis and pray for the best. That’s a lie, I read like all hell; seek out help, answers and ideas; and put in the time- but then I wing it and hope for a little luck.

Being a parent is hard. Really hard. As if the lack of sleep and general daily terror of screwing it all up isn’t enough— we then have judgment and suggestions from everyone who’s ever seen a child, never mind had one. Congratulations, your brother’s friend’s coworker’s son sleeps through the night, you definitely played a role in that, so I totally get why you’re trying to tell me what to do with my child.

 

Somewhere in the haze of new parenthood, you find your way. You figure out tricks, hacks and friends to help you slay the parent game. I’m beyond grateful for my mommy friends who not only help me figure out parenting on a daily basis, but are also down to sweat, swear or drink occasionally. It can be hard not to lose yourself, I can’t say I’m anyone close to the person I was before JJ, but with the help of epic friends and the most epic husband I’ve been forced to rejoin the real world on occasion, and it’s kinda nice.

There are so many freaking topics when it comes to new parenthood and exponentially more opinions for each. I’m human so I have opinions but I have no idea if they’re right. I have things that work for my kiddo, but no idea if they’ll work for yours. Basically, I’m super useless, BUT I’m always down to figure out the options and talk about why I chose the one I did. Not to mention, I do lots of ridiculous shit trying to raise an awesome human who does human things like walk, talk and eat properly. Again, I’m not an expert, I’m a mom. (Holy shit, I’m a mother!!!)

(Mommy since Feb 2015)

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12 Comments

  • Reply Hannah Lewis April 10, 2016 at 1:10 am

    I am only 23 and do not intend on becoming a mother anytime soon, BUT I will still read this blog all the time because I so admire FCancer. I studied social work and plan on entering the nonprofit field. I just wanted to say that you are the person in the field I look up to most! Your dedication to self-care/wellness, your intelligence, your empathy, your kickass girl squad, your great relationship with Scott and now your take on motherhood all inspire me so much. Your outlook on life makes me feel proud to be a strong & powerful young woman. Thank you for all you do! -Hannah (@hannahlew18)

    • Reply yael braun April 12, 2016 at 7:04 pm

      Thank you Hannah! So glad you’re a part of our FC community and thank you for taking the time to support here too! xYCB

  • Reply Charlotte DUTRUC April 10, 2016 at 3:14 pm

    Hi Yael,

    First CONGRATULATION for your first post of your blog, I know it can be scary sometimes 🙂

    I am not a mother, for now, but I know I will be one day and read the experience through your eyes will me so interesting, I am sure about it.
    So just to tell you thank you for sharing and that I look forward to read more 🙂

    Much Love

    Charlotte.Dutruc

    • Reply yael braun April 12, 2016 at 7:02 pm

      Thank you so much Charlotte xYCB

  • Reply Jenny Mai April 12, 2016 at 9:53 pm

    Can’t wait to read more of your stories! I’ve been a mom since April 2015. It is by far the most challenging and rewarding thing I’ve ever experienced. JJ is so lucky to have you as his mom!

  • Reply Julie Ibz April 12, 2016 at 10:58 pm

    Hey Yael,

    I work in the music industry so I started to follow your husband and then you came along obv, I think its amazing what you re doing with F***Cancer so I starded to follow you and now it only gets better. Motherlucker !! What a good damn name by the way 🙂
    Me and my bf are thinking of having a baby but I am secretly very scared to be a Mum. Got so many questions/doubts in my head. Anyway… thanks for sharing, I will read you religiously.
    Love from Ibiza, Spain

  • Reply Kelly Yurick April 13, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    Thank you for taking the time to write about the truth of the matter;)) only love but Finally someone who tells it like it is .. My two children are my life .. My universe. my son 8 my daughter 7. Not twins but you’d think .. You have to keep it fair mom ..he got an iPad where is mine .. Seriously? What am I doing ? Am I right am I wrong ? Who the hell knows. Do I go workout or drink a glass of wine while their at school? Haha its happy chaos .. But it’s all good

  • Reply Natalia Gomez April 19, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    Hi Yael,
    I just got finished reading all of your posts, starting with the miscarriage one. I really enjoy reading your thoughts and experiences as you venture through this new journey or motherhood. I’m 25 and not a mother myself yet but definitely intend on having 3-4 kids someday. I love reading about other people’s experiences and find yours very insightful, real and down to earth. Thank you for sharing and exposing your struggles and challenges.
    Look forward to your upcoming posts!
    I hope you have a great day 🙂
    -Natalia

  • Reply Caryn Osterbrink Ross April 21, 2016 at 6:24 pm

    hello

  • Reply Caryn Osterbrink Ross April 21, 2016 at 7:02 pm

    Hi..and what a great idea you have here to share and stay informed in the ever process of parenting. Congrats on this new endeavor I come from a different place, my children are older..yes I am in the teen years and one is soon to be 20. I wish I had this type of forum when my children were younger and even now as I navigate through the life of teenagers and all the that comes with having 3 this age.
    I do not think in any way I am full of parenting wisdom, but what I do carry with me is that being a mom is always a process of learning, listening to to others (you do not have to do it just listen) stay positive, remember you are their influencer, go to person, advocate, role model, so admit to your mistakes with them, say sorry when you are wrong, encourage them to take risks and celebrate their highs with them and guide them through their lows. Lastly..have a sense of humor..this is key!!
    Please reach out for any ideas, advice, etc and please share with me..I am always looking for helpful tips, advice to keep me going. I leave you with a quote to share from mom to mom!
    Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on.” ~ Maria Shriver
    Yael..best of luck with this new endeavor and enjoy your son and all his firsts these next few years!
    —Caryn

  • Reply Dominick Iannelli Jr. June 1, 2016 at 5:43 am

    Isn’t it amazing what people can do for one another? You & Scooter work so hard and have much success, which we all admire, but sometimes people can lose sight of the fact that you both are people, too! I follow both of you for your philanthropy (& maybe to see Scooter school JB on the court) and it has made a profound impact on my life. Thank you for sharing yours with all of us and inspiring others to be great.

    I once heard from a wise man.. "You don’t know how to live, if you don’t know how to give."

    Cheers,

    Dominick

  • Reply Kathy Moran Salerno July 2, 2016 at 2:02 am

    Hi Yael,

    My 16 year old daughter is a Justin fan (we affectionately call him ‘Juju’), and by extension a fan of Scooter’s and now Scooter’s wife and son : ) . She admires the way Justin has handled himself and credits Scooter for guiding him. This is all based on what we, the public, piece together as we sift through the truths and untruths that we are fed via the media. Occasionally we are treated to Scooter and Justin and others speaking up and sharing bits of themselves. You are doing that in a big way right here!

    In any case, my daughter is 16 1/2.

    None of us know what we are doing!
    Our parents didn’t. Nor did theirs.
    We all just follow our gut.
    We know right from wrong. We know that we are charged with rearing these sweet precious incredible souls and preparing them to function and contribute to the amazing and crazy world we are all part of.

    In my experience – having a few other moms that you admire is key. Having mom-friends who will completely get what you are talking about or crying about or complaining about or laughing about or delighting in. I have often called it ‘the mom network’. I’m pretty sure it’s existed since the beginning of time.
    There is nothing like being a mom and only other moms get that. Some moms will be open and sometimes vulnerable with you – they’ll share their fears and mistakes and joys and not judge you for your fears and mistakes and will be the first to truly feel and celebrate your joys.
    Some moms are unfortunately competitive and insecure and might delight secretly or even publicly in your inevitable missteps. It’s ok. ‘Cause everyone has a story… And their story most likely isn’t what they wish it was or need it to be. As always, they are the ones who need our kindess most. I have a feeling you will be one of the moms to show that needy mom kindess.
    However, remember to set boundaries – you and your husband and your child(ren) should always be your focus.

    So, in this note I’m telling you that in my experience thus far, another mom or two or more that you love and trust to love you back and be truthful when you ask them to be (you know the kind of friend I’m talking about! So hard to find, but when you do it’s like finding a pot of gold!) are invaluable.
    Note of caution: sometimes, friendships can get a little weird if you have same sex kids of the same age. Proceed slowly in those instances. This person may always be your friend, but possibly not a tried and true ‘mom friend’ because she may often be comparing your child to her’s (in her head or outloud) as hard as she tries not to.
    Or – she may be all around amazballs and count as a tried and true mom friend too. Time will tell.

    The couple of moms you can call or get drunk with (I meant to say have Starbucks with during a play date) and would trust with your child’s life are a rare find but ones that will get you through the tough times and truly feel your happiness in the good times.
    You may not even know some of those moms yet. You may come across a mom you want in your ‘network’ in a person you misjudged at first… your mom network may be fluid depending on what life stage you and/or your child are in. Again – speaking from my own experience, once a true mom friend, always a true mom friend. They have that kind of heart that can love you just as much after not seeing you for 3 mos or three years as they did when you talked every day. They get that some days putting clean underwear on yourself and potty training your two and a half year old took every ounce of mental and physical strength you had and they don’t judge you… they love you even more because they have those days too and aren’t afraid to say so.

    Sometimes, all I’ve needed is my closest friend to sit with me and dissect every moment of something or every possible outcome of some parenting decision I need to make. And in those talks is where I often find my answer; or where she may find her’s. One particular and very dear mom friend (also just a ME friend!) has a daughter a few years younger than mine, so there is no ‘competition’. There is just true collaboration on the part of two moms trying to get it as close to ‘right’ as they can. Husbands are wonderful!!
    I’ve yet to meet one that will take apart a conversation or incident or scenario and strip it down and put it back together 8 different ways before settling on something that you can live with… And will then dissect why it didn’t turn out the way you expected it to based on the arduous decision making process you both participated in.

    Sometimes (often!) the husbands/fathers have it right – stop analyzing and just make a move!

    Other times – it’s all about the mom network.

    And as Lin Manuel said (we were lucky enough to buy Hamilton tickets in October right before it exploded – it lives up to the hype) …’love is love is love is love is love.’
    Parent from love most of all.

    Good luck!!!

    Kathy

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