When I first got pregnant, two of my dear friends were a few months ahead of me. As the pregnancies progressed, they began telling me that they were starting to feel guilty about these being the last months/weeks/days that their first born would be an only child/the center of attention. They knew, of course, that welcoming another baby was a blessing and would ultimately be wonderful for the whole family. But that didn’t stop them for having major momma guilt/concern that their sweet babes were about to have their worlds rocked. I kind of got it at the time, intellectually I got it- but emotionally I wasn’t there yet.
Well ladies, I’m there now.
I am constantly trying to make the most out of every day with JJ; give him all my attention, fill it with the most joy possible, and let him soak up every last second of only child bliss. While this is obviously pretty exhausting, I also worry that it’s actually not the best for JJ.
Am I setting him up for even more disappointment? Am I magnifying the change that is about to happen? By giving him extra attention and time now, am I in fact hurting my sweet boy when his sibling arrives?
These feelings bring up a lot for me, as I’m sure they do for many moms. Things I’m having to face right now:
I need to chill on the guilt shit. I am a loving and present mother, and that won’t change when the new baby arrives. JJ will need to adjust, yes. But it’s my job as his mom to help him through that transition, not to stress about it now.
I need to enjoy these last weeks with him. Enjoy them, not pack them so full of “fun” that we’re both physically and mentally drained at 6pm daily. Special activities here and there are great, but they do not need to be a daily thing. Also cuddling on the couch is a totally appropriate special activity 😉
Preparing JJ for his sibling is part of my job. We talk about it, we read about it, but most of all I reinforce the amazing things that come with being a big brother. I highlight the wonderful, not the change necessarily.
JJ is not the one stressing about this, I am. I can’t put my fears onto him. This is my shit, my guilt, my worry- not his.
All this to say, I think it’s pretty normal to have some stress/guilt about the changes to come before welcoming baby #2.