I recently experienced – for the first time – that guttural, sad, holy-cow-I-miss-him-already, can-your-dad-take-care-of-you-like-me feeling that most moms get when they leave their kids for the first time. And by leave, I mean for a girl’s trip. Yippeee!
Full disclosure in case you didn’t realize it: I’m a new mom and basically had my freedom stripped away from me at the mature age of 39.5 years old. And no, in case you’re wondering, I had not spent a single night away from my 6-month-old, let alone 3 nights and 4 days!
A few weeks ago was the first time, so I had to basically grow some balls, suck it up and tell myself that all will be A-Okay. Grayson’s in good hands and dad will remember to do alllllll the things. Right?
As I embarked on my girl’s trip to Scottsdale for a 10 year reunion with my former business partners, The Smart Cookies, I couldn’t help but think about my little peanut Every. Minute. Of. Every. Day. Oh dear, did I make a mistake? Did I leave him too early? Will people judge me??
On the bright side, I managed to escape with just carry-on luggage and was not weighed down with all the gear that comes with baby. And we all know mammas, that the amount of gear you need to pack when traveling with kids is ridiculous with a capital R. Between strollers, car seats, nursing pillows, toys, distraction paraphernalia, bottles, formula or breast pumps. You name it, it’s a motherlucking pain in the ass to travel with.
Bonus: I was able to carry that very venti Starbucks in my ONE FREE HAND this time around, thanks to that 3:30am wake up call.
But let’s get real for a moment (and I’m sure most new moms will likely agree with me), we are often riddled with mom-guilt over the dumbest things. And let’s be honest – we also get criticism from everyone, including other moms – about some of the choices we make, so to say that I wasn’t worried about all of this would be a lie. The truth is:
Every mom is different.
Every situation is different.
Every child is different.
Every family-dynamic is different.
Regardless of your situation, there is always this detachment that happens when you make that first solo voyage. It honestly felt like someone just ripped Grayson right from the womb and said “ok, see ya later!”. Am I exaggerating? Maybe just a bit, but it’s how I felt and I know some other mothers have too. I’m not alone in this one.
But I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I WAS able to get away and I realize not all mothers can afford or find the time to do so. Not to mention I have a kickass partner who is the most unbelievable hands-on father I’ve had the pleasure to watch as he raises our son. For that, I am extremely grateful for.
Just a word of advice from me to you: Mom’s need time away, because believe it or not, it makes you a better mom. Don’t call me selfish for saying that, but we all need that time to recharge, decompress, get our groove back, reconnect and take care of ourselves. Those four days I spent away with my ladies was exactly what the doctor ordered. Did I obsessively FaceTime to check up on my little guy? Of course, but I also basked in the sun, indulged in margaritas by the pool, had those good-for-the-soul-conversations and soaked up my girl time knowing that I deserved this!
Flyin’ solo is my jam. Rinse and repeat. Yeah, I’ll be doin that again.