Hey Motherluckers, how I’ve missed you! Don’t get it twisted – I’ve been following along. I’ve been reading with you, laughing, feeling inspired and feeling a sense of belonging – exactly what the Motherlucker community is all about. But, I have been absent from writing about my experiences, my struggles, my wins and my undying support for other mamas. It feels SO great to be back.
2017 wasn’t a bad year – it ebbed and flowed like most other years. But, mid-way through I faced some health issues, physically and mentally. To top it off, I wasn’t completely happy with my job situation and finances were super tight. I was feeling defeated. I knew something had to give. I had to take off my super-mom cape, surrender to what it was and focus on my well-being. As I got my groove back, the most amazing full-time job opportunity presented itself. So, I dove in head first. It’s been the most incredible journey and I am wildly grateful I decided to take the chance – BUT – it’s been a major transition for our family. I’m talkin, the struggle is REAL most days and weeks. Balance is not something I am mastering gracefully. Surprisingly though, this change has not made me question or regret, but it has propelled me to get real – WITH MYSELF. Realness about what I’m capable of, what my limitations are and how I want to spend my time. Such a simple concept right?! Wrong. I’m working on it every day. It’s time to cut the bullshit and be honest and accepting of who I am at this stage of motherhood.
I love my children with every fiber of my being, and I strive to give them every little bit of me that I can – which some days, isn’t very much. But, I know what I am doing each day…the blood, sweat and tears…is for THEM. Some days, do I have massive mom guilt?! Hell yeah I do! Pretty much every damn day. But I also know that I have gifts and talents and passion, not to mention, a financial responsibility to give our children the life we’ve always dreamed they could have. And in our home, that truly relies on two incomes.
I know now that I’m in a healthy place – a strong and faithful place. A place that has direction and intent, and yet, I still feel as though I am flapping in the wind and about to lose my shit at any moment. And maybe that’s just it, the exact answer I have been searching for all along. The reality – we never REALLY have it all together. Some may put on a great act, and that’s quite alright. I’m here to share with you that I do not have it together, but I strive to every.single.day.
Some nights I cook healthy, homemade meals for my family – others (many nights) it’s mac and cheese from a box. Some days I am a rock star at accomplishing homework, nightly reading and planning outfits for the next day. Others, I forget to pack my kid’s lunch. Fuck. I could go on and on. What I am getting at is….I am so perfectly imperfect as a mom (and a human being) – and I’m learning to be real with myself and own it for what it is. My boys go to bed each night safe, fed, warm and knowing how insanely loved they are!! And that my friends, is a perfect win in my book.
I challenge each of you to get real with yourself and cut yourself some slack because you truly are AMAZING! Much love to each of you! Thank you for being on this journey with me. xo