Advice Mom To-Be Partner Pregnancy Relationships

He’s Just Not That Into You…Sex, Pregnancy & Safety

December 22, 2016

Well this is a loaded topic! When I mentioned that I was going to write about this to my other half, his first question was “Ummm…exactly how much are you going to be sharing with the world?”.

No worries, my love. The jig ain’t up yet.

But I’ll be honest here, when I found out I was pregnant, one of the first thoughts that entered my mind was, will our sex life dwindle? And I don’t mean down to a few times a month, I mean will we even have any sex during the entire 9+ months of this sweet gestational period?!?

I was relieved when I spoke to my close mommy girlfriends and I asked how their sex lives were during pregnancy, and they sincerely told me “honey, don’t worry about it. If you even have sex five times during the pregnancy, you’re one of the lucky ones. It will come back eventually and it did for us.” Okayyyy then.

Sex and pregnancy is not a topic I like to think about, let alone write about and make public (brave, or just plain stupid?), but all mothers/soon-to-be-mothers have been there. Some of us have a libido that’s just too legit to quit, and others, well we would rather tie up those drawstring sweat pants, throw our hair back in a bun and binge watch Narcos on Netflix. For the record, I have been more inclined to do the latter.

Don’t get me wrong, my partner and I can’t keep our hands off each other and we’ve always had a thriving sex life with an unstoppable bond, but given our past history of miscarriages, we didn’t want to risk anything, so we steered clear of any love-making. Then your body starts to change. You feel different and not always sexy. Sometimes bloated, gassy, grumpy you name it. So to say that sex was the last thing on my mind was an understatement.

First, he was all over me and wasn’t sure how to handle the lack of my sex drive. Then when I was a little more ready and willing to get our groove on, he didn’t want to touch me with a 10-foot pole. “I don’t want to injure the baby. There’s a BABY inside there…it’s just weird”. Ouch – ego crushed and stomped on. Was this the beginning of the end? Was he still into me?

Fear not, everything will be ok and I wanted to share a little personal wisdom I’ve learned about sex, pregnancy and safety I thought I would share:

  1. Put your ego aside and don’t sweat the small stuff. Yes, your partner is still very into you! Give your body the time it needs to prepare for creating this human, to adjust and to recover post-partum. This is small beans compared to what you’re growing inside of you and what will eventually be the most important thing you ever do in your life.
  2. Safety first. I was advised to avoid sex until I got the green light from my doctor and until I had reached a certain stage in my pregnancy. Not because I was worried that his schvonce would give our baby dimples or pop my mucous plug, I mean, let’s make sure my cervix is not shortened, there’s no spotting or a dilated cervix (graphic I know, but a woman has to think about these things). Of course, all pregnancies are different, so check with your doctor.
  3. Enjoy the downtime. Personally, I’ll admit to actually liking the break (did I just say that?). We have actually found that we can survive without it for periods of time and have come to truly love spending time together, cuddling on the couch, making meals and talking. Netflix, sweatpants and all.
  4. It will come back! Don’t put a timeline on it and certainly don’t stress about it. You just finished growing a human inside of you, popped it out and now have to keep the thing alive, all with minimal sleep or downtime. Your body will tell you when it’s ready. As I’m sure your hubby will too 🙂

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  • Lara Merkel Ross
    Reply Lara Merkel Ross December 22, 2016 at 7:36 am

    Love this. I have to say my idea of a great night during pregnancy was fresh lemonade and American Idol. My hormones went in the opposite direction of sex. Thanks for keeping it real- I think too often this is a topic we avoid in the name of politeness or discretion and we lose out on a chance to learn. well done!

  • Reply kgoodings December 27, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    So brilliant!!! I just wish my daughters father would have had the patience to stick it out, so to say, instead of leaving me for sex with someone else!

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