When I became a stepmom I figured I had it handled. When we added a baby, I stumbled a bit, but still managed to have it somewhat together with 3 kids in the house. It was adding the 4th kid that was my iceberg.
He sunk my “imma gonna be the ultimate stay at home mom” ship like cement.
There are now 4 kids in this house, 4 kids ranging from baby to teen who all need me differently physically and emotionally.
In the span of 5 minutes I will go from hearing how at lunch this guy busted his knee and everyone Snapchatted it. Then someone will tell me about the latest “EPIC” Jack Septiceye video and then I’ll hear “Mommy, I did a GIANT poopie”
And all of this will be going on while I nurse our baby.
My nights are consumed with “on-demand” feedings and late night sleepovers where most times a friend needs to go home because their “tummy hurts.” There are disagreements over electronics usage and frequent karate chops to my head from the preschooler in our bed.
And my days…those are a doozy, they are scheduled by week on and week off step kid access schedules, school drop offs/pick ups, extra curriculars, baby naps, and the dictatorship of a threenager.
I broke out in sweat writing that.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. I live a very blessed life – #blessed.
This was just not the Mom life I imagined I would be living. I thought I’d have it down. Home cooked meals every night, clean house, well dressed children, no kids would sleep in our bed and I would be able to do all of that while I kept up my lifestyle and appearance. But truthfully, my life right now is what some categorize as a hot mess.
And you know what? I’m totally fucking OK with it!
I am totally ok with the fact that I wear pretty much the same outfit for a week.
I think it’s funny that every single day I ask, “why does it smell like poop?”
It only slightly irritates me that no matter how many times I unload and reload the dishwasher there is always a queue of dishes waiting to go in.
I laugh at the rare times I try to be “presentable” and slap on some eyebrow pencil, then discover in public that they are so off that I constantly look like I’m questioning everyone.
And I’m good with the mess that is my house because if someone were to rob us, they would likely just leave because they’d think someone had already done it.
Sometimes I think 25 year old me, would probably punch 34 year old me in the face for all that has changed.
Sometimes I think the people who knew me before I was a parent would think I’ve let myself go.
Sometimes I think (know) other Moms judge my hot mess.
Then I think, fuck you. I’m a Mom and Stepmom.
I am a fucking super hero.
25 year old me would be in awe of the strength I have.
25 year old me would be in awe of the woman I am today.
My kids and my husband think I’m the shiznit!
I think I’m the shiznit!!!
I still have my bad days where I cry my eyes out with how overwhelming our gong show is. But as I write this I can’t help but smile at the tiny humans we are raising that are going to make a difference in this world. And like most tough things in life, I know this chaotic time will pass and it’ll turn out to be one of the biggest lessons I’ve ever learned.
So I want to end this by raising a glass of coffee, tea, gin or wine to all of my Mom friends. Whether you have 1 kid or 20 and whether you are a stay at home mom, a working mom, or a work from home mom – WE are ALL bonded through the amazing, infuriating, batshit crazy, wonderful, exhausting, hilarious, beautiful and sometimes gross life called motherhood. And we ALL have hot mess moments – including you Susan.
Let’s embrace them, learn from them, grow from them, own them. And most importantly, love them, ourselves and each other.