Advice Parenting

Just Say Congrats

October 28, 2016

My son Dylan was born on August 2009 with Down Syndrome. Before his birth we had no idea. Fast Forward to 48 hours post-delivery, and my ugly-crying had finally stopped. I went into mama bear mode. Seriously, I needed to get over myself. It was not time for a pity party! This kid is here and he needs his mommy to get her shit together.

nowthereare4Here’s my advice: if you have a family member or friend that has just delivered a baby with Down Syndrome, DO NOT come in saying you are so sorry! Do NOT buy an outdated book on how to raise a kid with DS from circa 1975, and hand it to the parents. Yes…that happened! It literally took my breath away and I nearly passed out.

Do not say “You have basically been struck by lightning!” Those words came out of the mouth of the neonatologist. I mean, are you kidding me right now? It just goes to show some can be educated, but are still ignorant as f***.

My doctor painted a picture of doom and gloom. I understand that they need to prepare you for what health concerns are prominent. But don’t tell me my son will be a burden to his sister some day when mommy and daddy are gone. Thanks but no thanks, DR. JACKASS! Can you hear my blood boiling?

Do not refer to the baby as a Down’s baby. That implies all babies with DS are the same. Dylan was born with Down Syndrome. Dylan is not Down Syndrome. Dylan is unique and precious, when he isn’t running away from me in Target. Stinker!!

What should you do and say? Say, “Congratulations!” You take a gift for the baby and donuts for mommy.

Now, if mom is visibly upset, hand her a tissue, hug her and tell her you are there to help.

Go visit when baby comes home. Take ml23the family dinner. The next few months will be really chaotic. Tons of doctor’s appointments with all the specialists you can imagine.

Many babies with Down Syndrome have heart surgery soon after birth. We were lucky that Dylan did not have to have surgery. He did have a hole in his heart, but it closed on its own. Take that DR. JACKASS!

Everything he predicted, Dylan has done the exact opposite. We are extremely blessed. Dylan is amazing. I cannot imagine our little family without him, exactly as he is. Dylan is #changingthefaceofbeauty!!

October is Down Syndrome Awareness month. If you are lucky to know someone that was born with DS, celebrate them.

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  • Reply Susan January 20, 2017 at 11:55 am

    I admit, I am guilty of saying “Down’s babies” and “Down’s kids” – but you will see that I have a HUGE smile on my face when I do it, because they are the most loving, wonderful, trusting kids in the world and I have yet to meet one that doesn’t give the BEST hugs. And for their entire lives, they will give you the honest answer – they will let you know if that outfit makes you look fat (if you ask). I have to teach about their potential medical issues, and specific things nurses needs to be aware of, but I open and close the class sharing about the joy they have in their hearts that radiates through every part of their body. I haven’t met a Downs Kid yet that doesn’t make the world a better place. Sounds like Dylan is a wonderful addition to the crew! So I hope you’ll forgive when I endearingly call my favorite kids “Downs Kids”, because they bring out the best in me <3

  • Ali Shea
    Reply Ali Shea February 6, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    Hello Susan!
    Thank you for reading my post on MotherLucker. It is such a fun and refreshing group don’t you agree?!
    You obviously have worked with children that have Down Syndrome for a while. You know all about that inner glow that radiates into every little aspect of their lives. As much as a shock it was to find out Dylan had DS, it’s been our greatest blessing. I wish everyone could spend a day with him. His enthusiasm is contagious. Not just about play dates or ice cream. I mean he just loves to live!!
    I will admit I will never be fond of the term “Downs kid.” The reason is, it sounds like you are saying all kids with Downs are the same. He is as unique as you or I. Dylan is Dylan and he is perfection!!
    Thank you again for reading along and for you
    kind words. I am glad that you are one of the lucky ones!
    Ali Shea

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