Mom Stuff Motherlucker

The Post Baby Body – 6 weeks, My Ass

April 3, 2017

Snapping Back Isn’t Real When You Don’t Recognize Your Own Body.

Three years ago, I decided to push myself physically for the first time. I trained and ran the LA Marathon and it was one of the most glorious experiences of my life. When I finished, I was able to look back on months of disciplined workouts and eating choices and know that I was capable of so much more than the lazy dependence on my good genes I had come to rely on. It was, without a doubt, the best shape I had ever been in. With that confidence, we decided to start a family.

My first pregnancy was awesome. I felt powerful, healthy and confident. My labor was about three hours total from water breaking to baby in hand and I thought, “Well, that wasn’t so bad!” Then the six-week appointment came and they cleared me for pre-baby everything and I thought, “You’ve got to be kidding me. How do you not see how busted my vagina is?” At four months, things still felt off and they gave me a cream that did next to nothing. At five months post-partum they told me I needed surgery to clear up some scar tissue. After I ugly cried all the way home from the doctor, I got serious about finding solutions.

I found a second opinion in the non knife-wielding world of eastern medicine and she saved me. Like, literally saved my vagina, my sex life, and my brain from actually believing that it was logical to expect my body to be what it was pre-child within a matter of months. I think I went in knowing that, but kind-of secretly cared more about having a tight ass again than making sure that things like my organs were back in place. Details.

Here’s what I know as a now very pregnant woman experiencing round two of this miracle of hosting, birthing and nurturing a child: That six-week appointment can kiss my ass. And ‘snapping back’ isn’t a thing … not even for us skinny bitches who look unscathed by pregnancy. Things change, bodies change. I already want to be less squishy, but I’m trying to remember to be kind to this body of mine that has worked so hard to make two tiny people. It’s easy to be disappointed and self-loathing, wishing for the good old days of tight abs and cellulite-free butt cheeks. But that simply diminishes the other kind of marathon my body has been racing. Neither is better than the other, but both deserve seasons for healing and appreciation. I hope you all find that and applaud yourselves as you go through this journey to being a mom.



My Story

Let’s begin with: I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. And I’m pretty sure any new parent who says they do is either full of it, delusional, or high. I wing it on a daily basis and pray for the best. That’s a…

March 30, 2017
Mom Stuff Motherlucker

What Makes You You?

Ever heard the saying “happy wife, happy life?” It comes off trite, but I believe there’s some truth to it.  In many cases mothers, working or stay-home, are very much the heart of the home (don’t freak out, I am a feminist!). And as…

March 30, 2017
Mom Advice Mom Stuff Motherlucker

Friends With Mom Benefits

Watching little kids make friends might just be the cutest and most heartbreaking thing in the world. Some are fearless, oblivious to the impending possibility of rejection. Others are tentative and shy, perhaps having been shunned before. Their intentions are rarely anything deeper than…

March 27, 2017
Mom Stuff Pregnancy Second baby

Who Run The World? Moms!

I’ll be honest. I used to think girls were just whiners. And while I think some definitely are, I think it’s important to note that I am now a strict advocate for the power that exists inside of every single woman on this planet:…

March 23, 2017
Mom Advice Mom Stuff Motherlucker

Ways To Make New Mom Friends

As a follow up to my last piece on how I found my Mommy Tribe, I’ve compiled a list of ways to find yours. Remember, it’s survival of the fittest, you gotta hit on the hottest mom in class first to make sure everyone…

March 21, 2017
Mom Advice Mom Stuff

Dear Friends and Family

So your daughter in-law, best friend, daughter, son and/or sister just had their first baby.  Congrats to them!  Here are a few things for you to remember as the one that you love braves motherhood/fatherhood and forming her/his own family. Offer help, but don’t…

March 16, 2017
Mom Stuff Motherlucker

No New Friends

So I’m gonna let you in on a little secret… My friends call me “slow to warm”, meaning I’m not all about new friends, and I take time to let people in. But once you’re in, I love you fiercely and forever. So having…

March 14, 2017
Mom Stuff Motherlucker Parenting

When 2 + 1 = 5

One of the questions I asked my husband on our first date was “Do you want to have any more kids?” I know what you’re thinking. That’s a pretty risky thing to ask on a first date. But when you start dating a man…

March 13, 2017