This school year marks the beginning of a new adventure. I am officially the mom of a Kindergartner! My baby is growing up, and all I want to do is pump the breaks. Seasons of change are exciting, but man, they suck too! And this one has proved to be super tough and emotional for this momma.
On the day my oldest was born, I held his perfect little body close to mine, completely in awe. I was SO in love! Infatuated! Obsessed! As the hours passed, my infatuation became overshadowed by pure terror and anxiety as I thought about the future….First teeth, walking, talking, driving. His first date, his first broken heart, sending him off to college. HOLY SHIT! His life was flashing before my eyes and he was only 10 hours old. Being a first time mom is SO beautiful, but I (like all of us) was completely overwhelmed and scared shitless.
That first night in the hospital, I scooped my sweet boy up and hugged him close. He was sound asleep. It wasn’t feeding time (thank God!)…or changing time…he wasn’t crying. I JUST needed to hold my baby. I held him in that dark room, and I sobbed! My husband looked at me like I was bat shit crazy. (Ladies, let’s face it. I WAS! Those postpartum hormones are no joke!) “I just want him to stay little forever. I always want him to be my baby,” I cried. In that very moment, I could not picture him in any other way than a tiny, helpless little human. And I was his momma. My husband sat on the bed and looked at me with empathy (still nuts), but recognizing my fears and worries and the fact that I had uncontrollable, crazy ass hormones flying in every direction. He hugged me and gently reminded me that our little boy is going to grow, but also reminded me of how much we had to look forward to. We can’t stop him from growing up, but we can mold him into one incredible little dude.
And that’s just what we did! Here we are 5 years later…and he’s still growing. I have raised a baby into a toddler, into a preschooler (x2)…and now a Kindergartner? It just doesn’t seem possible. I have no idea how 5 years of boo-boo kissing and snuggles and stories and “Ugga Muggas” and epic meltdowns and prideful firsts have so swiftly passed us by.
Here is what I do know: Even though Mommy may not be ready for this huge milestone, I have a little guy who is beyond excited and READY. He loves to learn, to make new friends, to try new things! He’s loving and strong and brave and curious. He’s pretty much one of the most effing awesome kids I know. He’s ready! So, I need to put on my big girl panties and be ready too. Watching him grow has become easier over the years, although I still wish I could bottle him up and keep him little forever! But, the reality is that – I can’t freeze time. I don’t have a magic wand. All I have is the here and now and dreams for his future and a camera to capture it all. And…wine! Lots and lots of wine!
However we ended up getting here, we have arrived! This is the beginning of many more “firsts” with my first-born. Our bond will forever be special, and I will forever be proud to be his momma. To all the moms who are at this stage of change, beyond this stage, or who have this stage yet to come, my heart and my hugs are with you. Change isn’t easy, but it’s inevitable. As parents, there comes a time when we have to let go, just a little. We must give our little loves wings to fly so they can go out and soar….and make this world fucking awesome!