Let me begin with I fucking love my husband. He truly is my twin flame and who I was meant to spent my life laughing with, learning from and loving wholly. That said, I want to punch him in the face on the daily. Much more since having kids.
Men are not mothers. There’s no way around it. They biologically interact with their offspring in a different manner than we do. And that’s amazing! We need their (often annoying) playful, carefree, and boisterous love to balance our (often) calmer, nurturing and careful love. I get that I’m making assumptions, so I’ll just speak about my home and our experiences because that’s all I know.
Scott has a big personality and bigger heart. Jagger delights in his every funny face, over-exaggerated gesture and schedule-defying move. He shows his love with play. Changing diapers, midnight feeds and (admittedly overzealous) schedules are not usually his jam.
I’m a little particular (my husband’s eyes would roll right out of his head if he saw me describe myself as a “little” particular). I like things done a certain way and our schedule is my version of sanity. Naps, meals, and baths have a specific time when they happen. Why? Because I have a happy little man who always knows when his next nap or meal is. Because I fucking said so. And because then this momma knows when she can eat, shower, or just sit down for a second.
One of the hardest things for me to learn (and honestly, for me to remember everyday) is to let daddy be daddy. He’s half this kiddo too and just because I think my way is right (it definitely is, to be clear) that doesn’t mean I get to undermine how he shows his love.
Daddy wants to feed you a cookie before dinner? Cool, he gets to make sure you eat the rest of your real food then.
Daddy wants to watch TV (while mom works harder than Pamela Anderson’s surgeon to make sure you don’t have screen time)? Sure, 15 minutes (which is really JJ’s max attention span for a screen anyway) won’t kill either of us.
Daddy wants to jump around like Tom Cruise on Oprah’s couch minutes before bed? Ok seriously we all have our limits, dude.
Point is, it really is in all of our best interests to let dads be dads. I for one want JJ to learn so many of Scott’s amazing traits; he’s loyal, a protector, provider, non-judgmental, and usually agenda-free. He offers things to the family dynamic that I cannot or simply don’t have the capacity to! It lets baby and daddy bond in a special and different way, it gives you a much needed minute to yourself, and most importantly constantly undermining how your partner parents is really bad for your marriage. Like worse your online shopping addiction bad.
The flip side of this is that it’s super important for both parents to be on the same page about parenting. So while missed naps and sugar dinners do not a marriage break, constantly disagreeing about what is best for your child might. Choose the important things to align on and be a united front, the rest you’ll forget about by next year anyway!