Working Mom

Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

October 13, 2016

I often fantasize about going back to work the way one might daydream about a trip to Bora Bora. Long, leisurely cappuccinos at my desk without a kid on my lap. Journeys to the bathroom in complete solitude. And the best part? Coming home to a clean house, kids bathed and fed and ready for bed. I know that the real, un-photoshopped version of this fantasy wouldn’t look quite as pretty, but the idea of a few hours to myself every day and getting paid to use my brain is high up there on my list of #goals.

I once had a very glamorous job. I flew around the world and drank champagne with models and celebrities. I threw parties, got sent boxes of clothes and spent more time than I care to admit at the spa (not to mention the bar). Then I had a baby, and then another, and all I wanted to do was live in a beautiful little bubble with my growing family. But that bubble can be a little claustrophobic, what with all of the laundry to be done and toys to trip over. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I know how blessed I am to have this opportunity. I’ve been around for every first, I’m able to cuddle all day when they’re sick, purée the hell out of their organic steamed veggies, and keep precise records of the contents of their diapers… I know I’m the lucky one, but my God, I sometimes envy the mothers with “real” jobs, who work on spreadsheets called something other than “Poo Schedule, August.”

But then I wonder whether I could handle being away from them all day. One of my best friends went back to work three months after her first baby and she was a total mess. She was so emotional about it that her husband secretly made a pact with the daycare that they not tell her about missing any of the baby’s “firsts” while she was at work. Miraculously, this little baby crawled for the first time on a weekend! And her first steps came after dinner on a Tuesday. Her first word (“mama,” thank God) was uttered on a family trip to Hawaii. Maybe her mommy FOMO was a bit out of control, but I totally get it.

My current job can be described as a long list of things, but glamorous is not one of them. Sure, I’m up late popping bottles (of milk), and I do get sent boxes of clothes (from Baby Gap… that I paid for) – but sometimes I miss my old life. Or maybe I wonder how my old life would look with a couple of kids to rush home to. I guess the grass is always greener, though sometimes all I see is brown.

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  • Reply Ashley October 13, 2016 at 11:46 am

    You make it look glamorous my friend. This article made me smile! One day pretty soon all your babies will be in school and you’ll wonder where the time went. Whatever your goals are you’ll be reaching them, no doubt!

  • Reply Aasia October 15, 2016 at 2:05 am

    I laughed out loud at going to the bathroom alone and not doing “poop scedules”.
    When I write this so know I sound like I maybe whining but….fuuuuck sometimes I think being a woman is unfair!
    Personally I feel like I can’t win. I have stayed at home and felt guilty 110% of the time …then I wentgo back to school and work and it’s the same thing. My job wants me to be there 120% when they don’t realize my body and mind are on autopilot because I haven’t slept in a year to 9years now. They expect me to pick up where I left off and be caught up on the ever changing demands in my field of work? My child just barfed in my hands this morning and my other child took his diaper off in bed and found sup rises scattered in the crib and floor:(
    I stayed at home with our first and I feel so lucky because in this day and age it’s so hard to afford to live in my amazing city of Vancouver, BC but I also couldn’t afford to go back to work at $2300 a month in childcare if you could find any when you needed it.
    When I was asked what do you do? ” I am a stay -at-home-mom” I said with pride even with unwashed hair. I usually got “ohhh that’s must be nice… I would love to stay home and not work”. WTF really???
    All I am trying to say you are danmed if you do and damned if you don’t! It’s OK to miss your old or other self ,it’s OK to want to pee alone,it’s OK to want to have a hot meal or drink with a single thought to yourself ,it’s OK to daydream and look forward to things , it’s OK to breath and then laugh at your new self…it’s different not good or bad just different and your child or children love you as you are as long as your happy with whatever that looks liketo you. I say this only because I still need a daily reminder. I feel guilty all the time it’s a new job of mine to minimize the level of it.
    You are doing a great job because it’s the hardest and most rewarding job ever (internally, as they don’t say thank you …yet).
    Sorry that was long-winded….women are amazing and being a Mom is challenging all the best parts of ourselfs.

  • Reply Sharon Menzies October 15, 2016 at 10:07 am

    The grass, I am certain, always looks greener on the other side… Great blog! Sharon

  • Reply Michel McGregor October 15, 2016 at 2:24 pm

    Just read your first post!!!! Soooo good and so true!!! I’m totally with you!
    Motherhood may not be glamorous but it is a pretty special time, especially while the littles are so small.
    Don’t get me wrong I often think about solo trips to Hawaii (or even the grocery store) but then I think we are extremely Lucky!

    Excited to read more of your posts!


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